It’s what Linus asked about Walt Disney. Was there really such a person? It was a reasonable question. Linus was what—ten-years old…eight…maybe six? He couldn’t stay up late enough to watch Masterpiece Theatre so what else was he likely to ask after watching Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and Bambi? If he had been watching Fantasia, the questions might have been different, more confusing, sort of like what a college student might pose after struggling through Dinesh D’Souza’s latest book: The Enemy Within.

What’s that—Fantasia, The Enemy Within…similar? G’wan! One is fantasmagorical; the other is—well, just a fantasy. But which is which? Are they at all similar? Do the rolling periods of Fantasia’s Deems Taylor match those of D’Souza? Do the crashing cymbals of Leopold Stokowski have the impact of an unchained Osama bin Laden? Does Mickey Mouse make a better Sorcerer’s Apprentice than D’Souza makes a lobbyist for traditional Islam? The Enemy Within could have been titled Waltz of the Flowers.

D’Souza has written some excellent books: The End of Racism; Illiberal Education; What’s So Great About America, so it’s obvious he’s a real person—and, of course, so was Mr. Disney—but if Linus wishes to attain adult status without having to wash his feet in some sleazy restroom in a Kansas City airport, he’d better stick with Mr. Disney. A Sorcerer’s Apprentice is more comforting and less scary than D’Souza’s book

Nonetheless, much of what is written in The Enemy Within makes sense: Liberal-Progressive spinelessness within Congress and without, the radical left’s hatred of America, George W. Bush, Capitalism and Rooster Cogburn; the media’s slide into moral and intellectual bankruptcy; Hollywood’s laissez faire deviancy; the thousands of PC thought police who have ruined more careers than Joe McCarthy. Everyone wants an end to the war on terror—including the terrorists. It is how the war is to end—as Abe Lincoln would have said—that is the rub. But D’Souza knows how to end it—replace George_B._McClellan with John Esposito; it’s as simple as that.

“The traditional Muslims are the only people who are capable of stopping radical Islam,” says D’Souza. “America can decisively win this war by allying with traditional Muslims, and working with them to defeat the Islamic radicals…The best way for the right to make such an alliance is to convey to Muslims that we share common ground with them on traditional values.”

Abe Lincoln had his War Democrats; Bush has his traditional Muslims—certainly willing to make great sacrifices in the war against terror and against those who have hijacked their religion. Certainly. Let’s see…there’s Ayaan Hirsi Ali and the fifty-or-so Muslims that participated in the Muslim March Against Terror in May of 2005 and…hmmm. It’s a sparse turnout. Recruiting has been slow. Can’t win a war without divisions. There may be a reason for this.

The latest Pew Research Center poll of Muslims in America found that 26 percent of Muslim-Americans between the ages of 18-29 could justify suicide bombing in some instances—a couple hundred thousand or so, two or three field armies. Forty percent of Muslim-Americans think Islam had nothing to do with 9/11. The Jews did it…or maybe it was George W. Bush. The Muslim Student Association at the University of California-Irvine invited Holocaust denier and terrorist supporter Imam Abdel Alim Muse of Washington, DC, to speak during Holocaust Week at Irvine. They also invited Ward Churchill. That would be like Joseph Goebbels inviting Lord Haw-Haw to the Bendlerstrasse to discuss that ‘other’ Churchill.

D’Souza admits that traditional Muslims are not moderates. “Many of them are just as zealous in their religious faith and practice as radical Muslims.” (Most Germans were not Nazis and few of them were anywhere near as zealous as Himmler and Kaltenbrunner but it didn’t make much difference at Dachau, Buchenwald and Kasserine Pass)

Muslims are fundamentalists. Working with them will be difficult but if it will put Nancy Pelosi in a hijab and Hillary Clinton in a burqa, it might be worth a try. Sure. What concessions Islam will make to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are not clear. Will they let Cardinal Egan do the Stations of the Cross in St. Patrick’s Cathedral every now and then, say around Easter time—if it hasn’t been converted into a mosque?

Qur’an 5:14 “From those, too, who call themselves Christians, We make a covenant, but they forgot and abandoned a good part of the message that was sent them: So we estranged them, stirred up enmity and hatred among them to the Day of Doom. Soon will Allah show them the handiwork they have done.”

Churches are systematically destroyed in Kosovo; Buddhist are beheaded in Thailand; Christians are forced to convert to Islam in Pakistan; non-Muslim women are raped by Muslim men in Norway, Sweden and Finland (and elsewhere) for not wearing headscarves and nary a word from the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) and other American-Muslim groups. In fact, it is just the opposite. The Fort Dix Jihadists had scarcely been arrested when CAIR asked the US government and media to “refrain from linking the case to the faith of Islam.” And then they held a news conference to publicize the case of a Muslim woman from Passaic County, New Jersey, who had been screamed at while on her way to do her laundry by a male motorist stuck in traffic! Obviously a hate crime of the first magnitude! Nothing of the sort could have happened in Riyadh or Teheran, traditional Muslim societies.

In the meantime, the Organization of the Islamic Conference issued the following statement: “Because of Islamophobia, millions of Muslim in the Western countries, many of whom were already underprivileged in their societies for a variety of reasons, are further alienated and targeted by hatred and discrimination.”

These are the same bastards—traditional Muslims—who have not apologized for 9/11 or for the mass murder of Christians and animists in Sudan or for the Armenian and Assyrian holocausts in Turkey scarcely a hundred years ago.

Qur’an 9:3 “Allah is not bound by any contract or treaty with non-Muslims, nor is His Apostle.”

D’Souza ought to think twice about cutting a deal with ‘traditional’ Muslims.

He was a good boy. He was interested in medicine. He liked to dissect dead animals. He served two years in the US Army and spent a semester at Ohio State University. He could have been Dobie Gillis or Doogie Howser. He was a good boy. Who would say he wasn’t? His name was Jeffrey Dahmer.

This fellow was also a good boy. He was well behaved. His legs were a bit crooked and he had a slight speech impediment but he was a cute kid. He excelled in gym. He thought actor James Dean was the cat’s butt. His mom worked as a waitress. He had a happy home life. He could have been one of Fred MacMurray’s Three Sons. He was a good boy. Who would say he wasn’t? His name was Charles Starkweather.

Here’s another fellow who was a good boy. He was the apple of his mother’s eye. He was so little—cute as a bug in a rug. No one ever noticed him. He liked ice cream and knew most of the words to The Star-Spangled Banner. His mother’s name was Arizona and he had a brother they called Doc. They were good boys. Who would say they weren’t? They were known as Fred and Doc Barker.

Adolph Hitler was supposedly a good boy and so were Che and Mao. Hitler liked opera and Mao wrote poetry. Che pulled the wings off butterflies he named Rockefeller and Morgan. He was a precocious child.

And there are the Dukas—they were good boys too, so it is said. No one knew they were illegal immigrants. The family appeared friendly. If it weren’t for the beards, the Dukas could have been mistaken for the Cunninghams. The women in the house wore headscarves. The boys shot paintballs at trees in the front yard. Their names were Eljvir and Dritan and Shain—the three Dukas. They had a friend. He was also a good boy. He worked at a 7-Eleven. His dad owned a pizza shop near Fort Dix. Like pepperoni? He vacationed in the Pocono Mountains. He was very religious. His name was Serdar—Serdar Tatar.

Jeffrey Dahmer was murdered in prison; Charles Starkweather went to the electric chair; Fred Barker was shot dead by FBI agents in Florida in 1934 and brother Doc was shot and killed by guards while trying to escape from Alcatraz in 1939. They were not good boys. Who knew what evil lurked in their hearts…the Shadow…the Amazing Kreskin? And the same goes for Eljvir, Dritan and Shain Duka and their friend, Serdar Tatar. They are not Rickey and David or the Partridge Family or the Sons of Katie Elder or the Three Stooges Plus One—or two or three or four or how many it would take. They are terrorists—fledgling perhaps—but not anywhere near as incompetent or harmless as some insist. They could have been The Gang That Shot Straight.

Yet few in the Muslim community will admit the possibility of their guilt. Even in the Old Country, back in Macedonia, relatives who haven’t seen the Dukas in 20 years believe the boys are innocent. They were good kids; they were all supporters of America. “These are simple, ordinary people, and they’ve got nothing to do with terrorism,” said cousin Elez Duka, 29,of Debar, Macedonia. “I expect their release and I expect an apology.” Did the FBI entrap the Duka brothers? Did informers lead them on, help them to scout military installations and arrange meetings with arms merchants? That appears to be their defense. “The police are allowed to use enticement in some cases,” said Troy Archie, a lawyer for Dritan Duka. “But it depends how far they go.” Sure, the trip to the Pocono Mountains, the map of Fort Dix, the video of the Dukas in Jihad drag, screaming Allahu akbar and shooting guns—youthful high jinks like Potsy and Ralph Malph planning a panty raid; something that’s never going to happen.

They attended moderate mosques. Sure, the Jews are apes and pigs; a Palestinian right-of-return must be a part of any Middle East settlement; women are like domestic animals so treat then kindly; non-Muslim men and women are impure—the usual moderate line. Zia Rahman of the Muslim American Community Association of Camden County, New Jersey, said he had seen some of the accused in his mosque. “They came across as very polite and respectful,” he said. “I could not believe they could be involved in this. (Maybe if they had been wearing John Wayne Gacy clown suits instead of beards) These guys are not supposed to be involved in this type of behavior. Islam means peace, love and compassion. We’re not talking about violence and hostility.”

Peace, love and compassion? He left out submission.

“We don’t have extremists here,” explained Rahman’s wife. “Their religion did not teach them this. (If, indeed, they are guilty) The mosque is open to everyone…In every religion there are good people and there are bad people.” That may be, yet Dahmer and Starkweather—very bad people and thoroughly acquainted with the Christian religion—were not attracted to the teachings of Christ; maybe if they had been Muslims…

The Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) praised the FBI for exposing the terrorist plot and then cautioned the media to “refrain from linking this case to the faith of Islam.” Refrain? Shouting Allahu akbar might seem a link to some people. Now if the accused had been screaming Jesus saves…

Islamophobia is spreading says CAIR. It has reached Iowa! Yes, Iowa, and Iowa’s Muslims are worried. Ibrahim Dremali, imam of the Des Moines Islamic Center, said, “Some are afraid backlash may be coming. People are becoming cautious again.” Mohammed Khan, imam of the Muslim Community Center, said, “Every time there is something political going on, when the administration is going downhill, these things seem to crop up…We weren’t responsible for Sept. 11 and we’re not responsible for the latest incident…If those people are guilty, lock them up and let them pay the consequences…But all Muslims should not be targeted.”

Backlash? What backlash? There are more Muslims burning the American flag in the streets of New York than there are backlashers in Iowa, Nebraska, Kansas and what’s that other state…Mexifornia? There wasn’t anything that could be called a backlash even after 9/11.Within weeks Michael Moore and Bill Clinton were blaming the massacre on American foreign policy. A backlash is what happened in Denmark after the publication of the Jyllands-Posten Mohammed cartoons; the insanity that gripped Muslim communities around the world when some newsquawk, hungry for headlines, suggested a Qur’an had been stuffed down a toilet at Guantanamo. When Muslim terrorists, holed up in the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem, used the Holy Bible for toilet paper there were no expressions of outrage. There should have been—at least by Christians, but there wasn’t.

Dahmer and Starkweather were not churchgoers and neither were the Barkers. The teachings of Christ repelled them. Turn the other cheek? Bah! Never! They would rather strike at the neck—especially Dahmer. No one has ever considered them to be Christians—they were more like Eljvir and Dritan and Shain Duka…and Serdar Tatar…and Mohammed Atta…and Omeed Aziz Popal…and Mohammed Reza Taheri-azar…and Lee Boyd Malvo…and Hassan Akhbar…and…

It’s a long list.

Rosie O’Donnell dropped out of Dickinson College; she moved on to Boston University. It was a nice place. But all those science books! Whew! What a drag! It wasn’t long before she took French leave. People should be judged on what they know, not on what they didn’t learn in college. And that’s the way Rosie will be judged. It’s a cruel world, isn’t it? But it’s effort that counts and in spite of her academic shortcomings Rosie has become Hollywood’s foremost philosopher. She’s not at smart as William F. Buckley—who would want to be that smart? Buckley can use 10,000 words to describe what he had for breakfast and 20,000 for dinner and never once mention George W. Bush. Rosie can tell you everything she knows in twenty words or less and has done so on numerous occasions. Isn’t that something?

Sean Penn studied auto mechanics and speech at Santa Monica College in Santa Monica, California. He didn’t graduate but if you ever need a set of spark plugs changed, it wouldn’t hurt to give him a call. He’s s got what is called street smarts. He’s worth quoting—not at length, of course. He said, “If the United States has nuclear weapons, than why can’t Iran have nuclear weapons?” That took serious thinking—Gomer and Goober could have used a man with Sean’s loquacity to wait on the city fellers at the gas station. Sean is odds-on favorite to win this year’s Neville Chamberlain Peace At Any Price Prize.

Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks attended West Texas A&M for two semesters—learned everything she needed to know about farming and mining, but did she go into the agro-business to feed the starving masses of Africa or open a silver mine to sate the hungry bankers at IMF? Heck, no, she went back to school—spent a year-and-a-half hitting the books at South Plains College! But even that didn’t satisfy her thirst for knowledge. Natalie moved on to the Berklee College of Music! “We’re ashamed that the President of the United States is from Texas,” she said. It must have been that advanced class in geography she took at Plains.

George Clooney attended Northern Kentucky University—briefly. He also attended the University of Cincinnati—briefly. Does that make Mr. Clooney—or Rosie or Sean or Natalie—any less of an academic whiz than, say, Woody Harrelson who has a BA in Theatre Arts from Hanover College in Indiana or Alec Baldwin who graduated from New York University with a BFA? Maybe—it depends on whether or not they know how to spell scurrilous.

Baldwin has called Vice-President Richard Cheney “a lying thieving oil whore” and “a murderer of the US Constitution” and “a hate-filled maniac.” And he doesn’t like Henry Hyde. “If we were in another country,” he said, adding mustard to his relish, “we would stone Henry Hyde to death and we would go to their home and kill their wives and children. We would kill their families.” One can only hope he doesn’t say things like that around his kids.

Woody Harrelson likes to brandish his Theatre Arts degree in the faces of Conservative Americans. “This is a racist and imperialist war,” he said. “The warmongers who stole the White House have hijacked a nation’s grief and turned it into a perpetual war on any non-white country they choose to describe as terrorist.” Woody has already proved White Guys Can’t Jump and he is bound and determined to prove White Guys Can’t Think. What a success story!

How about Susan Sarandon—she’s got a BA from Catholic University? Or Alan Alda—he’s got a BA from Fordham. Are they too smart…too educated for the likes of Sean and Natalie? How about Roseanne Barr? Yeah, how about Roseanne Barr? Sean, Natalie; Ms O’Donnell—they can’t hold a candle to Roseanne when it comes to pure, raw, naked sarcasm. Archie Bunker was afraid of her. And chutzpah? Grouch Marx could have taken lessons from Roseanne. Paris Hilton may have. Don Imus may wish he had. And Roseanne is coming out of retirement—or something like it. And she has one tremendous advantage over Hollywood’s reigning philosophers—she a genuine high school dropout. None of that one semester at the West Podunk School of Advanced Cosmetology nonsense! She hasn’t any more book learning than Jethro Bodine, but she’s wily. Oh, is she wily! She’s smart enough not to ask Sean Penn to change her spark plugs! And she appears to be making her move to replace Rosie O’Donnell!

“I am against theocracies in general. I like democracy and diversity,” she said recently. “I dare to think outside the small box of predigested Bronze Age Myths.”

Bronze Age? Did Roseanne say Bronze? Who on earth would connect Roseanne with the Bronze Age? She belongs to the Age of Brass. Maybe Alec Baldwin belongs to the Bronze Age and Woody Harrelson would look right at home clubbing pterodactyls in the Pleistocene Age, but Roseanne it pure one-hundred percent Brass.

“Zionism was the nail in the casket of European Jewry,” says Roseanne. “The Arab’s protection is the only reason any holy sites remain in Israel.”

That must have been predigested by al-Qaeda. Rosie O’Donnell wouldn’t have said anything that cumbersome even if Donald Trump had her in a headlock. It is contemptible small box twaddle—Bronze Age thinking. Zionism is not the last nail in the casket of European Jewry. Zionism is not a nail—maybe a thumbtack. This is not to deny that a coffin is being prepared in Europe for the Jews, but it’s not the Zionists who are hammering the ten-penny nails into the sarcophagus; it’s the millions of Allahu akbar- spewing Muslim immigrants who have invaded the Continent like locusts swarming over a Kansas wheat field. What Hitler wasn’t able to accomplish, Tariq Ramadan is doing with the generous aid of cretins like Jacques Chirac and Red Ken Livingstone.

One doesn’t want to be overly critical of a high school dropout, but Roseanne is also mistaken about Islam protecting Jewish holy sites. These holy sites are protected because they are also Muslim holy sites—and for no other reason. The religion of peace isn’t. Islam’s record makes Alaric look like Saint Bernadette of Lourdes. Shortly before 9/11, the Taliban destroyed the famous giant Bamiyan Buddhas. In 1992, Muslim mobs burned and destroyed numerous Hindu shrines in Pakistan and Bangladesh. Since 1999, Muslims have destroyed 140 Christian churches in Kosovo. Roseanne’s kind of dullness—one does not want to call it ignorance—is not learned in a day. Most high school dropouts don’t talk about things they don’t anything about. It’s called street smarts.

Mark Twain said, “It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.”

Twain would have loved the 21^st Century—the Age of Gilded Philosophy.

Can’t take a joke? PC cat got your tongue? Don’t like religious humor in a jugular vein? Then don’t drive by the Rev. Gary Murrell’s Good News Independent Baptist Church of Spring Hope, North Carolina. The Reverend combines wit with a touch of 21^st Century reality. The one-liner he posted on the message board in front of his church could have come from Jackie Mason. “When is the last time you heard of a Jew or Christian with a bomb strapped to their body?” That’s what it said. Hilarious! Mason pays five cents-a-piece for jokes like that. Of course, he’s already used that one.

It’s also a brainteaser. Who was the last Jew or Christian to pack his swaddling clothes with plastic explosive? It wasn’t Woody Harrelson; he’s still alive—at least that’s the rumor. It wasn’t Michael Moore. And it wasn’t Roseanne Barr. They are classic non-lethal bomb throwers, but are they Christians? Harrelson and Moore? Please, folks, give them the benefit of the doubt; it’s the Christian thing to do. Christ pitched a large tent. Look—isn’t that Nancy Pelosi browsing in the Social Gospel section? Okay—so how about the Jesuits? The Jesuits? Please—they were eggheads, not men of action. It was the Christians that got tossed to the lions—remember? Take a good look at the religious map of the United States, there is not—contrary to what Rosie O’Donnell might say—a single Christian Mad-Rats-Asses school located anywhere between sea and shining sea. It there were, Maureen Down and Frank Rich would be sniffing around like bluebottle flies in Ted Turner’s anti-Christian outhouse.

Another question—thanks to Woody Harrelson’s Natural Born Killers—are suicide bombers born or made? Thankfully, the US Government has studied the phenomenon. In a recent briefing paper, Motivations of Muslim Suicide Bombers, the Pentagon came to the conclusion that the bombers were ‘rational’ actors following the dictates of the Qur’an—they committed their crimes in defense of Islam. “His actions provide a win-win scenario for himself, his family, his faith and his God. The bomber secures salvation and the pleasures of Paradise.” He also secures financial security for his family—those Saudi pensions are nothing to sneeze at.

Allah’s Great Whorehouse in the Sky is an attractive place for healthy unmarried Muslim men. Potsy and Ralph Malph relieved their sexual tensions at Al’s Diner or they followed in the wake Richie and the Fonz in the hope of gathering up leftovers. Abdul and Abdullard have to be satisfied with the porn they find in Internet cafes. The Mad Mullahs don’t like that. What does the Qur’an say? Ah…

Bukhari V4B52N53: “The Prophet said, ‘Nobody who dies and finds Paradise would wish to come back to this life even if he were given the whole world and whatever is in it, except the martyr who, on seeing the superiority of martyrdom, would like to come back to get killed again in Allah’s Cause.’”

Spanky ate ten fudge sundaes at one sitting, got sicker than a dog. The eating part was great but he never did it again. Spanky would not have made a good Muslim.

But how does one explain Hanadi Jaradat, the Muslim woman, who blew herself up in a Haifa restaurant, killing 19 people, including children? Would the transition from life to death be an improvement? The Muslim afterlife has not won the approval of the National Organization of Women. It is not the place Gloria Seinhem would choose to spend eternity. Did Hanadi prefer making beds and sweeping floors in Allah’s Great Whorehouse in the Sky to life in the Gaza Strip? It would seem they would be equally odious—to a feminist.

The Reverend Murrell was more serious on the reverse side of his message board. (It’s tough being Jackie Mason all the time) “Don’t be deceived,” it said. “The message of Islam is submit—convert or die, not salvation in Jesus Christ.”

The message disturbed Debbie Jaunich, a spokesperson for the Islamic Center in nearby Raleigh. “I would really say that the actions of one individual do not represent the Islamic faith,” she said. “The Islamic faith really calls for peace.” And all Hitler wanted was a peaceful lebensraum—a sort of thousand-year dar al-Reich.

The Center’s youth director is Hisham Sarsour—a man of all seasons, a scientist, a pedagogue, a comic, a patriot and only Allah knows what else. “The failure in Iraq,” he says, “…is good for the world and good for the American people and good for Muslims.” Well, if that’s patriotic, it’s Howard Dean-patriotic!

Freedom is “free dumb,” he says. Is that supposed to be funny? It’s sound like something Michael Richards would say. And Sarsour’s a comic? Expect Jackie Mason and get Cosmo Kramer on a bad day! Well, maybe he’s a pedagogue; they have lower standards. Stay tuned.

“What is a terrorist?” he asks. “How can we fight terrorists? If Iraq is defending its own country, its own people, its own being, its own heart, is this a terrorist?” Isn’t that what Rosie O’Donnell said? Clearly, Sarsour has mastered Orwell’s art of doublethink. A lot of Iraqis are dying and if the terrorists aren’t killing them who are the guilty people—George W. Bush…Jimmy Carter…Teddy Roosevelt…Thomas Jefferson…Pontiac? One can only go back so far. Sarsour ought to take a ride past the Reverend Murrell’s church, not to view the message board, the thought for the day has already been changed, but the fresh air might remove some of the collateral damage the war on terror has done to his—should one say—psyche. Sure, blame the war on terror. What does the Qur’an say? 3:150 “Soon We shall strike terror into the hearts of the Infidel…their abode will be in the Fire.”

Another fine fellow who spent some time at the Islamic Center in Raleigh was Magdy Mahmoud Mustafa al-Nashar, a chemist from Egypt. El-Nashar was a suspect in the London bombings and may have been the wretch who supplied Richard Reid with the chemicals that could have turned Reid’s sneakers into Atomic Air Jordans if the lout had been able to master the art of tying his own shoelaces. El-Nashar was detained in Cairo but was released for ‘lack’ of evidence.

Sarsour is a consultant in the field of nuclear energy. He has been a member of the Muslim Student Association. Can he be trusted as a youth director? The Sweat Hogs had Kotter; Pinocchio had Jiminy Cricket; the Hitler Jugend had Baldur von Schirach and the Islamic Center at Raleigh has who? John Travolta and the Puppet were blessed.

“Don’t be deceived. The message of Islam is submit—convert or die, not salvation in Jesus Christ.” Saying Islam is a religion of peace does not change that. Even Rosie O’Donnell will eventually come to the right conclusion. The US needs more message boards like the one at the New Hope Independent Baptist Church and less mindless propaganda—and it is mindless—from Islamic Centers like the one at Raleigh, North Carolina.

Pat Robertson has announced at least 700 fatwas. That’s how the 700 Club got its name. Some of them didn’t amount to much—condemning legions of mosquitoes at backyard barbecues to the nether regions and consigning half-acres of crabgrass to an early frost doesn’t make headlines. But 700-hundred is 700-hundred and Liberal-Progressives remember every one that has been brought to their attention. They fume and tear their hair and alert the UN. Rosie O’Donnell turns red—or is it pink? No, that’s Cindy Sheehan—most Liberal-Progressives lie somewhere in between. If it weren’t for Pat Robertson some of them would never have any choler in their faces.

A while back Robertson suggested wasting Hugo Chavez wouldn’t be such a bad idea. That got the attention of the Liberal-Progressives. It seems Robertson can’t resist rolling live grenades across the floor of the Furor-Bunker. Was that number 700-hundred? “You know,” said Robertson, “I don’t know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he (Chavez) thinks we’re trying to assassinate him, I think we really ought to go ahead and do it. It’s a whole lot cheaper than starting a war…and I don’t think any oil shipment will stop.” A WWII fragmentation grenade produced up to 1,000 lethal fragments. Maybe that’s what Robertson uses. He must have hit everyone in the Liberal-Progressive Furor-Bunker.

Anderson Cooper said, “Man of God Pat Robertson calls for the killing of Hugo Chavez.” Lou Dobbs said, “We begin tonight with what could be called an evangelical fatwa from religious broadcaster Pat Robertson…Will American religious leaders condemn this outrageous statement?” Kyra Phillips on CNN Live said, “Chavez supporters are expressing outrage over Robertson’s comments. One Venezuelan lawmaker calls televangelist a fascist.” Deborah James on AlterNet said, “His frightening call to assassinate Hugo Chavez is consistent with U.S. government’s hostile stance toward Venezuela (And Venezuela’s stance toward America is what—un-hostile?) But that doesn’t mean it should go unpunished.”

What was Robertson attitude when he issued his fatwa? Was his face all scrunched-up and snarly or was there a smile on his lips? It makes a difference. John Wayne always smiled when he said things like that and he was one of the good guys and anyone who doesn’t believe that has never seen True Grit. The late Ayatollah Knomeini did not smile when he issued his fatwa against Salman Rushdie. His face was all scrunched-up and he coughed the words up like razor blades dipped in Mohammed’s blood. And he meant every word he said. Rushdie is still in hiding. Many Liberal-Progressives believe Rushdie got what he deserved for being insensitive to Islam. Except for Christopher Hitchens no one on the radical left seems to care. It was not their fight.

The same thing is happening to Ayaan Hirsi Ali, a refugee from Somalia and a former member of the Dutch Parliament. Ms. Ali was at the University of Pittsburgh in Johnstown, PA, last week to deliver a lecture on religious freedom. Ms. Ali is a former Muslim and the author of an anti-Islamic book, Infidel, and, even more importantly, the movie that resulted in the murder of Dutch film director, Theo van Gogh. Ms Ali has been under death threat ever since.

Local Muslim groups contested Ms Ali’s appearance at the university. Imam Fouad El-Bayly, President of the Johnstown Islamic Center, led the charge. El-Bayly and his friends did their best to prevent Ms Ali from speaking. She was an atheist, they said. She wrote an essay—The Caged Virgin—that defamed Islam. “A Muslim’s relationship with God is one of fear,” wrote Ms Ali. That’s sort of what Rosie O’Donnell and Bill Maher say about Christianity. Muslims call that kind of talk heresy.

El-Bayly was not a happy camper—what kind of country was America to allow someone like Hirsi Ali to speak at a university; not that there was much he liked about America. Driven to the extreme, never more than a supposed insult away, El-Bayly issued a fatwa. “She has been identified as one who has defamed the faith,” he said. “If you come into the faith, you must abide by the laws, and when you decide to defame it deliberately, the sentence is death.”

And then, so he wouldn’t sound like a totally insensitive clod, he added, “If it is found that a person is mentally unstable, or a child is disabled, there should be no punishment. It’s a very merciful religion if you try to understand it.” Sure, every civilized country has laws against punishing disabled children, but how many civilized countries permit anybody to be put to death for changing their religion? And it’s merciful if you try to understand it? That’s what Joseph Goebbles said about Mein Kampf—as merciful as Dachau and Sachsenhausen. Hirsi Ali has bodyguards to protect her from people like El-Bayly. If Chavez thought Robertson was a threat to his well being it would be Robertson who would need bodyguards.

What was the reaction to El-Bayly’s fatwa in the Liberal-Progressive Furor-Bunker? Did anybody hear the grenade go off? Somebody must have. It made quite a noise among those who live in mortal fear of the religion of peace. Ah, here’s a Liberal-Progressive! What say you? Don’t blink now. The Liberal-Progressive response:  Ali who? The Dutch broad from Somalia…the one who gave the lecture at the University of Pittsburgh? Oh, yeah…it’s nice to know she found a job…this is the land of opportunity…didn’t they boot her out of Holland?

Where was Anderson Cooper?  Was he busy somewhere else? Of, course, he’s always busy—he didn’t even have time for Don Imus. Hezbollah beckons—it’s his song of the wild. Where was Lou Dobbs? Was he busy counting Ted Turner’s money? (It’s a boring job but somebody has to do it) Where was Kyra Phillips? Removing expletives from her audio files? She’s worse than Imus, doesn’t give as much to charity and looks totally ridiculous in a ten-gallon hat. Where was Deborah James? (Actually, no one cares where Deborah was)                    

The Christians were just as bad—that’s what the Rosie O’Donnells will say. They put a fatwa on Galileo. Google it. Galileo was tried by the Inquisition, but he wasn’t shot full of holes on a sidewalk in Amsterdam by a guy named Mohammed. Google that! Take this one to the track: the next time Pat Robertson says something silly or George W. Bush quotes from the Bible, Cooper will forget his Hezbollah friends long enough to take appropriate notice and Dobbs and Phillips and their running dogs at MSNBC and PBS won’t be far behind. There was a scientist who made a study of this kind of behavior. It’s called the slavering instinct.

Zahida Chaudhary, education secretary at Muslim Community Center for Greater Pittsburgh, said, “Islam is a peaceful religion. The Prophet Mohammed was a peacemaker and a role model for humanity. My understanding is that he was a peaceful person who believed that religion was a choice. He tried to teach people and bring them into it, not punish them.” She had to say something and maybe she got confused. She seemed to be describing Jesus Christ not Mohammed. The Prophet was a warrior, a conqueror; he was more like Alaric than Jesus Christ. He consummated a marriage to a nine-year-old child bride and ordered the murder of a poet who had incurred his displeasure; he executed thousands of POWs and distributed their wives, their children, and their possessions to Ali Baba and his Forty Thieves.

Hirsi Ali knows this; Pat Robertson knows this; Chaudhary is confused; El-Bayly’s got more verses in his Qur’an than he’s got space in his head; he should be cleaning out stables, not deciding the fate of people like Hirsi Ali.

Anderson Cooper and Rosie O’Donnell have strayed far from the path of the Founding Fathers. They are hopelessly lost in the Liberal-Progressive Furor-Bunker. They wouldn’t know a fatwa from a Stations of the Cross. But that doesn’t excuse them from cowering in the face of militant Islam. Nothing does.

 a tale of Hegemony, Monotheism, Massacre, and Remembrance………by A. Nonymous

He was a feisty little fellow and when I first heard him speak I didn’t know who he was but he made a lot of sense. Now I hadn’t kept up with politics much except for what little I got from Jimmy Kimmel, but this feisty little rascal reminded my of Dennis Kucinich—in a nice sort of way; not as broad in the shoulders, more like Woody Allen. But there was a mean streak in him. He struck me as a man who would know how to build a Fuhrerbunker in a quicksand bog. And when he shook his finger in my face—now I’m saying this theoretically, he didn’t actually do it—and he said, and I wrote this down, “Our nation’s advice for you is to get back to the path of monotheism, justice, and friendship, at least in a bid to safeguard your own nation’s immediate, and long term interests.”

Well, I’m all for friendship and justice and when I found out he was a Muslim I was ready to convert to Islam—or at least I was thinking about it. He appears to be what Nancy Polosi had been looking for. But being a careful person and a High School dropout to boot, I looked up monotheism in the dictionary. Well, imagine my surprise! I had been a monotheist all my life and never knew it! It was almost as shocking as when I discovered I was a monogamist. And when my eighth-grade science teacher told me I was a carnivore—well, it took me a while to recover from that one. So I was a monotheist, a monogamist and a carnivore. And according to that little rascal I was already half a Muslim. All I had to do was find a Mosque and get confirmed and then head for Joe’s Bar and Grille and Gun Club and hoist a few with the boys Wouldn’t they be surprised! Me—a Muslim!

That little rascal—Mahmoud was his name—was so convincing and so full of advice I was mesmerized. Yes—mesmerized. That’s what the Misses says Paris Hilton does to me—mesmerizes me. And now this little rascal was doing the same thing. Anyway, this little rascal said—and I wrote it down too—“Beware, if you do not go back to this path; if you do not end your oppressive methods; if you do not keep on looting the other nations and try to keep on imposing your illegitimate hegemony over other nations, you will face the destiny of past tyrants in history, that is none but death, and downfall for yourselves, and wretched lives for your nation.”

Well that got me to thinking. So I looked up hegemony in the dictionary. Can’t say as I understood what it meant, but that little rascal was one smart cuss—as smart as Dennis Kucinich, almost as smart as Jimmy Kimmel. And I took his words to heart! I sure didn’t want to face the destiny of past tyrants! My life was wretched enough as it was. Being burned to death in a Fuhrerbunker in a trailer park ain’t that appealing. So I studied up on the little rascal and it turned out he’s the President of the Islamic Republic of Iran! And he wasn’t talking about me—no, sir, he was talking about George W. Bush and the United States of America. It appears I had become a little confused. Was this rascal Howard Dean or was he the President of Iran? They sounded similar. It’s easy to cross-pollinate jackasses.

Then I remembered another thing Mahmoud said, “You have so far kept trying for 28 years to halt the path of our nation’s progress in vain…I am hereby assuring you oppressive powers that the Iranian nation’s demand from their political officials is taking full advantage of the entire capabilities of the nuclear energy in technical and industrial fields.”

Nuclear energy? Well, gosh, if somebody didn’t know any better they might think he was talking about the bomb. That’s what I thought and the first thing I thought of was Dr. Strangelove and Chill Wills riding that old nuclear bomb down on the Kremlings. Must have scared the pants off Khrushchev. Or was that Telly Savalas? I always get those two mixed up. Mahmoud made a good argument—he needed the bomb to protect himself from the hegemonizers. Couldn’t blame him for that. He’s for justice and friendship and peace and paternity and so am I. If he don’t like the hegemonizers, than neither do I. At least that’s what I thought at first. Imagine my surprise when Joe at Joe’s Bar and Grille told me I was one of the hegemonizers! Well that didn’t make sense. How could I be a hegemonizer? I didn’t even know what it meant! There must be some mistake! I had been ready to go down to the local Mosque and get sworn in as a Muslim but I decided to hold off for a while. I was getting mixed signals. And I kept thinking of John Walker Lindh.

I heard about that incident at Lewiston Middle School where a student tossed a ham steak in a paper bag on a lunch table where a bunch of Muslim students were eating. C.A.I.R. said it was a hate crime and I thought so too at first. Pigs is unclean and Muslims aren’t supposed to touch them. Then I remembered how Lester Gooch used to throw dog crap on the table where I ate lunch at the Disciplinary Barracks—that’s what we called Thomas Jefferson Middle School. Ham steak ain’t as bad as dog crap and kids is kids. Still I was pretty angry. The Misses asked, “ Shouldn’t you be watching Paris Hilton instead of this crap?’ After a day or two I simmered down.

Then came the Virginia Tech massacre. Well—what do you say? All those poor people in South Korea—praying and grieving and apologizing as if it had been their fault; as if they had been responsible…And the Korean-Americans…praying, grieving for the victims…and the South Korean President expressing his condolences four times! Four times! It wasn’t South Korea’s fault! It wasn’t the Korean-Americans’ fault! The kid was a nut! He could have been an Irishman, an Eskimo—he could have been anybody! Gosh!

And then I remembered what happened after 9/11—Muslims dancing in the streets in Palestine, in Egypt, in Iran, all over the world, some of them right here in the United States! How could I have forgotten? And that creep from Saudi Barbaria—coming over here and offering Rudy Giulian $10 million to aid the victims of 9/11 if the United States would change its foreign policy! I wanted to throw a rock at Rosie O’Donnell. I had come to my senses. The South Koreans had nothing to be ashamed of but I did! I had forgotten who I was and where I was and what the bastards had done to us. I wanted to go out and hug a Korean. The Misses said, “You had better damn not.”

So I went down to Joe’s Bar and Grille and Gun Club. “Still thinking about becoming a Muslim?” asked Piano Legs Hickman?

“Naw,” I said, “I’m leaning toward Buddhism.’