How many school-kids were murdered by Muslim terrorists at Beslan…two…three…a dozen…186? It was 186. Add 145 cops, teachers, assorted school personnel and unlucky passersby and the final butcher’s bill was 388, enough to bring a smile to Uncle Osama’s lips. There won’t be a dry eye in Beslan for a hundred years. How many school-kids were murdered by Muslim terrorists at the Ma’alot School in Israel…two…three…a dozen? It was 21—one would have been too many. Terrorists attacked the Claretian Mission School in the Philippines and took 26 hostages. Most of them were released; the terrorist had an overriding political agenda and the kids were spared. It doesn’t always work out that way.

Attacks on Christian schools in Pakistan are part of the religious and sociological landscape. Open a school for girls anywhere in the land so cherished by Prince Chuckles of England and the terrorists will come. Nor is it safe in Indonesia. In a most heinous crime three Christian girls were attacked and beheaded by Muslim terrorists in Central Sulawesi while on their way to school. Indonesia’s Muslims have been waging a pogrom against Christians and Buddhists for thirty years—schools, churches and temples are easy targets.

Should America be worried? Are terrorists eyeing Tom and Huck’s Little Red Schoolhouse? Should Potsy and Ralph Malph pack heat to History class?

The news is not encouraging. Successful attacks on al-Qaeda installations in Iraq and Afghanistan have turned up floor plans for schools in Texas, New Jersey and Virginia. American troops also found videotapes instructing terrorists on how to take possession of a school. The plans are pragmatic and detailed. Commands are issued in English; the kids are separated into controllable groups; and anyone who might have the will or the capacity to interfere is immediately killed. Hiding in a transgender bathroom will not save anyone. Brian de Palma could not make it scarier. This is Beyond Night of the Living Dead.

It’s been six months since the FBI and Homeland Security alerted law enforcement agencies across America that Muslims with ‘ties to extremists’ groups were signing up for jobs as bus drivers. Some of them acted so suspiciously they couldn’t help but gain attention. Less than a year ago an investigative journalist in Illinois discovered the state had been hiring convicted sex offenders to drive school buses. Illinois is not alone. Little has been done to protect American schools from terrorist attacks. Drug Free Zones don’t frighten Omar Bakri Mohammed.

Lieutenant Colonel David Grossman of the Killology Research Group paints a grim picture of what could happen if terrorists attacked Tom and Huck’s Little Red Schoolhouse. Grossman is an Army Ranger and teaches Psychology at West Point. He has written extensively on terrorism, killing and what turns people into killers.

What would an American Beslan be like? For starters, it would be far worse than what Susan Sarandon imagines goes on at Guantanamo Bay. It would be a day of infamy, a day of unceasing panic and pain; hundred of kids would be dead, parents would leave their jobs to protect their remaining children; local economies would grind to a halt. But don’t worry about Potsy and Ralph Malph—they would be safe.

Grossman says the terrorists will choose a soft target. It won’t be in Milwaukee or Harlem where a cop is never more than few seconds away. The target will be a rural community or an isolated suburb—a neighborhood with strong gun control laws and a non-existent hunting culture. There will be no NRA bumper stickers on pickup trucks. Law enforcement will be next to invisible and the response time will be agonizingly slow. Barney Fife will be all day getting the bullet out of his pocket.

The ideal target will be a Middle School where the girls are old enough to be raped but not physically strong enough to put up a good fight. A dead cop here and there, a couple of well-place roadside bombs and a blown bridge will seal off the area. Hundreds will be killed before Dirty Harry can break the lock on his gun cabinet.

Think it can’t happen? David Grossman says, “Islamic terrorists are already in place in the U.S. and, yes, that includes bus drivers, cafeteria workers and also airport workers.”

What is being done in America to prepare for this day of infamy? Well, except for an occasional fire drill…next to nothing. One Michigan school district held a government-funded mock terrorist attack drill. The Scenario: Terrorists had planted a bomb on a school bus. There was an explosion and there were casualties. It was a good exercise for emergency medical personnel. Who were the bad guys? Was it al-Qaeda…the Taliban…Islamic Jihad? No, that would have been politically incorrect. It was Wackos Against Schools and Education—a group that believes everyone should be home-schooled. Given the mindset of the NEA and the American educational system, it is not surprising. Sergeant York and Audie Murphy had no such problems identifying the enemy. It was a simpler age but a more realistic age.

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So while Osama bin Laden snickers and points an accusing finger at the Bush administration, American schoolchildren are being indoctrinated into the wonders of Islam. Any teacher who dares to criticize this Brave New Schools orthodoxy, as did Robert Escamilla, a Social Studies teacher at Enloe High School in Raleigh, NC, will be sent packing. In Nyssa, Oregon, Islam is still being taught as History despite objections voiced by parents more than a year ago. Charity, fasting, prayer, belief and pilgrimage—those are the Five Pillars of Islam. Don’t you Christians wish you had something as good?

What about Jihad? Jihad is one of the Pillars of Islam. How can the History of Islam be taught without reference to one of its Pillars? Well—it cannot! To teach Islam in the manner it is being taught at Nyssa is not History but a perversion of History. Call it propaganda, call it blarney, call it bull, it is not history. Nyssa is doing its students a disservice. One might as well teach classes in the American Civil War without mentioning slavery.

And, please, no incoherent babble about Jihad being an inner struggle between good and bad; that it has nothing to do with terrorism. Go to the experts.

Noble Qur’an: 2:190 Footnote: “Jihad is noble fighting in Allah’s cause with full force and weaponry. It is given the utmost importance in Islam and is one of its pillars. By Jihad Islam is established, Allah’s word it made supreme and Islam is propagated. By abandoning Jihad Islam is destroyed and Muslims fall into an inferior position, their honor is lost, their lands are stolen, their rule and authority vanish. Jihad is obligatory duty in Islam on every Muslim. He who tries to escape from this duty, or does not fulfill this duty dies a hypocrite.”

Janine Weeks, curriculum director at Nyssa will die a hypocrite—not to Islam, but a hypocrite to the students, to the parents, to the school, to History and to America. “We have not made any changes,” she said. “The content standards require that we present information about the rise of Islam in the context of world history.” Tell that to Daniel Pearl. The friends of al-Qaeda and Osama bin Laden are entrenched in America’s educational system.

Don’t put away the Glock, Potsy—and if you’ve got any spare ammunition, sent it to Huck and Tom.

It was a good plan. John Bell Hood had William Tecumseh Sherman right where he wanted him. Uncle Billy had blundered badly. He had divided his Army in front of Atlanta. The chance would not come again. Thomas was crossing Peachtree Creek and Schofield and McPherson were in no position to go to his aid. If Hood acted quickly he could overwhelm Thomas before he could entrench and drive him back to the Chattahoochee. Sherman would be defeated and the War would be stood on its head. It was a good plan—actually, a great plan—but the execution was bad. It was Wile E. Coyote against the Roadrunner.

Hood was a West Pointer. He could have done better, but, alas, the best laid plans of coyotes, West Pointers and schoolteachers often go awry. Schoolteachers? Yes, schoolteachers—Mike Brooks, for instance. Brooks teaches 7^th and 8^th grade English, Math and Social Studies at Bidwell Junior High School in Chico, California. Brooks didn’t go to West Point but he’s a lot like John Bell Hood—good at planning, poor at execution. Whether he’s a match for Wile E. Coyote has yet to be determined, but in his History class—Linking past to present—he forgot some of the things he supposedly learned in his college education classes, things that are also taught at West Point—clarity, simplicity, attention to detail. Ah, yes, attention to detail, it’s what brought down General Hood and Mr. Coyote.

Brooks had a great idea. To stimulate class discussion he would rewrite the Declaration of Independence in modern language and send the kids home with a copy for their parents to study and sign. It was a great idea and nations are built on great ideas. Not only would Mom and Dad learn a little about 21^st Century Brave New World education they would get a chance to play John Hancock—or if they chose, Button Gwinnett. Unfortunately, the last line of the rewrite was pure Brave New World. “After careful consideration of the facts of our current situation,” wrote Brooks, “I have decided to announce to everyone that I am no longer a citizen of the United States, but a free and independent member of the global community.”

Wow! The Global Community! Send a copy to Cindy Sheehan! Send a copy to Alex Baldwin. Send a copy to MoveOn.org! But, unfortunately, one parent, Michael Hall, acted more like Thomas Jefferson than Michael Moore. He asked his daughter Kaytlen a few questions and did he ever get an earful! “The lesson being taught in class,” he said, “was that the US kidnaps innocent people and takes them to Cuba, where they are kept indefinitely and tortured!”

There must be something wrong here! That’s not the way Our Miss Brooks taught the Declaration of Independence! Did Michael actually write that stuff or did he copy it from Lev Davidovich Bronstein?

But it wasn’t all kidnapping and torture—no, sir! There were wiretaps and surveillance of innocent people—Sami al-Arian and John Walker Lindh suffering for America’s sins! Now all this might sound political to someone 20-years removed from America’s educational system—it would have given Our Miss Brooks a heart attack—but it is not unusual in today’s modern, politically correct, self-loathing, bolshevized classroom.

Some of the parents signed the letter, perhaps without reading it—others protested, as would Jefferson and Button Gwinnett. It did smack of Red Coat highhandedness…member of a global community? Indeed! Better dead than Red! There are still patriots out there!

But that wasn’t the response Brooks wanted. The parents weren’t supposed to sign the letter; they weren’t supposed to send it to George W. Bush. There had been a mistake—a screw-up—a malfunction. The plan was great; the execution was bad!

Colonel Potter had Radar O’Reilly. John Bell Hood relied on Zero and Beetle Bailey to communicate with his lieutenants; Brooks thought his students would explain things to their parents. His students? Who? Beavis and Butt Head? LaVerne and Shirley? Brooks wanted to stimulate discussion and he was successful. He got all he wanted and then some—much of it outside the classroom. All in all, it was a good lesson in democracy.

“When it was written, the Declaration was considered an inflammatory document,” said Brooks

It would be every bit as inflammatory today. Doesn’t it say in there somewhere that Americans were “endowed by their Creator” with certain inalienable rights? It does! It does! But the word, Creator, when capitalized—isn’t it one of God’s Nom de Guerres? It is! It is!

Well, if they tried anything like that today Howard Dean would have a fit! Barry Lynn would think Jerry Falwell had come back to earth! Kathy Griffin would have one more reason to tell Jesus…what is that quaint phrases she uses—to ‘suck it?’ How many more times can Kathy afford to look stupid?

And what about that part of the Declaration that describes Native Americans as “merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare is an indistinguishable destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions?” Who were the Founding Fathers talking about—al-Qaeda or Allie Reynolds? The Friends of Sitting Bull would be furious. Ward Churchill would grab his tomahawk! The World Trade Center would suddenly be full of ‘little Roosevelts.’

Gosh! Who could have written such a controversial document? “Appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world?” “With a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence?’ Notice all the capitols. Were they some kind of religious nuts or were they just showing off their penmanship?

Brooks said he wanted to point out the similarities between now and then. That’s what the class was about—Linking past to present. It’s a good idea. It raises some interesting questions. Do Americans have the moral courage and intestinal fortitude to protect their unique culture from a threat greater than Communism and Fascism combined? This is for real. Nine-eleven was not a drill, Charley Brown. One if by land, two if by sea, three if by air. Kids, who would you prefer in the steeple in Old North Church manning the lanterns—Paul Revere or Cindy Sheehan? This is not a multiple-choice test—it is a matter of survival! Did Brooks ask any of these questions?

The letter shocked the school’s principal, Joanne Parsley, but she didn’t think Brooks had a political agenda. “It was a well-intentioned lesson,” she said, “that didn’t shake out well.”

Obviously, someone wasn’t paying attention to the details. (Radar O’Reilly must have been on furlough) Brooks relied on Beavis and Butt Head to explain the letter to their parents. It was a good plan—the execution was bad. Letters of explanation and apology have been sent to the parents.

And so, till the next time one of these well-intentioned plans doesn’t shake out well, we bid adieu to the Brave New Self-Flagellating World of American education. We’ll be back. There was only one winner—Michael Hall’s daughter transferred to another History class. Don’t take any wooden Declarations of Independence, Kaytlen.

Down, Fido, down! Somebody get a-hold of that leash! This isnt Cops! That man is General Petraeus! Hes back from Iraq to report on the war! Somebody put a muzzle on that mutt! Gosh! Just look at those teeth!! He could rip the seat out of Hitlers underpants! Where do the Democrats find these mutts? He must be part Doberman. Do they have a contract with Michael Vick?

Bad boy, bad boy, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when Bob Wexler comes for you

Maybe it was the uniform that irritated US Congressman Robert Wexler (D-FL)those rows and rows of ribbons; dont get nothing for being a Congressman; and that ramrod posturetoo military for a Knight of the Golden Circle. Maybe he reads the New York Times, saw the adGeneral Petraeus or General Betray Us. Maybe he thought he was the reincarnation of Edwin M. Stanton. Remember Edwin M. Stanton? He was Abe Lincolns Secretary of War, tried to tear the seat out of Uncle Billy Shermans britches, got it in his head that Sherman had betrayed the Union. Of course, Stanton had become a Radical Republican. Wexler is a Peace Democrat, more like Clem Vallandigham than Stanton though they have the same bitepit bull, extra large.

Maybe Wexler was after another guest shot on the Colbert Report. Its more fun doing Colbert than Brit Hume or the OReilly Factor. Colbert is too much the gentleman to object to any of the stupid things a Congressman might say. Not that Wexler says stupid thingsnot anymore than the average. Try him. Is there anything Wexler said to General Petraeus that could be challenged? Perhaps not, but some of the things he did say bear investigation.

Seven more Americans died today while we have been talking, he barked at General Petraeus. How many more men and women will be sacrificed before we admit it is time to leave?

No one knows, but one can look at the butchers bill paid to the terrorists the past few days: September 11, 2007, Muslim terrorists murdered 17 people in Pakistan, three in Ingushetia, two in Afghanistan and two in Thailand; September 10, 2007, Muslim terrorists murdered 29 people in Afghanistan, 28 in Iraq, four in Somalia, two in Pakistan, one in Thailand and one in India; September 8, 2007, Muslim terrorists murdered 28 people in Algeria, 21 in Iraq, ten in Somalia, four in Pakistan, three in Afghanistan and two in Thailand. And how can one forget the mass slayings in Beslan, London, Madrid and Bali? Nor is America free from its own brand of terrorism. According to statistics released by US Congressman Stephen King (R-IA), twelve American are murdered every day by illegal aliens. And has Wexler forgotten 9/11?

Given the extreme circumstances under which he operates, General Petraeus has been more successful protecting American lives in Iraq than Robert Wexler and his friends in Congress have been in protecting American lives in America.

Wexler voted for the Patriot Act in 2001 but when it came up for renewal in 2006, he went AWOLhe didnt vote; he was absent without leave; probably one of the few things he understands about the military. Most Democrats claim we are less safe today than we were immediately after 9/11less safe than we were after the Battle of the Little Bighorn. Okay, if America is less safe now how do they expect to make it safer by passing legislation that would make it easier for terrorists to enter the country, to communicate with each other and to engage in terrorist activities? Maybe the government could house the Guantanamo Bay detainees in a Capitol cloakroom. Of course, its only an idea but it would give some of those who doubt there is a war onlike Wexler and Nancy Pelosia chance to meet the enemy face to face, to dodge quotations from the Quran and flying bags of body wastes. But enough of shock therapyso back to the hearings

You say you were making progress, barked Wexler, but the nonpartisan GAO office concluded that the Iraq government has failed to meet fifteen of the eighteen political, economic and security benchmarks that Congress mandated.

Wexler should talk! The Democratic Party hasnt done any bettersocial security, immigration, health care, educationstop when you get to fifteen. The only benchmark politicians appear determined to meet is the one on Election Day. The Founding Fathers were short a few benchmarks in 1788twelve years after 1776!

You say we are making progress, barked Wexler. War related deaths have doubled!

This was disingenuous. War related deaths usually increasesometimes horrificallyduring periods of great military progress: Normandy, Gettysburg, Balleau Wood. Despite the casualties Roosevelt, Lincoln and Wilson did not call it quits. Obviously, they were made of sterner stuff than Wexler.

Then came the piece de resistance. I will conclude my comments, General, barked Wexler, and give you a chance to respond but theres one more thing if I may. Weve heard a lot today about Americas credibility. President Bush recently stated we should not have withdrawn our troops from Vietnam because of the great damage to Americas credibility. General, there are fifty-eight thousand, one hundred ninety five names etched into the Vietnam War Memorial. Twenty years from now when we build the Iraq War Memorial on the National Mall how many more men and women will have been sacrificed to protect our so-called credibility. How many more names will be added to the wall before it is time to leave.

How many? That is a question that would have troubled Shakespeare. How many? No one can predict the future, but if Bob Wexler and Harry Reid and Howard Dean and Michael Moore and Ward Churchill and Robert Edgar and their pals have their way the names on the Iraq War Memorial twenty years from now or thirty or forty or a hundred will include Osama bin Laden, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, Abu Ayyub al-Masri, Muharib Abdul-Latif al-Jubouri, Omar al-Farouq

So-called credibility? It is Robert Wexler who has a credibility problem and it isnt so-called.

It isn’t what she said—it’s why she said it. It was as if the spirit of Archie Bunker—no, make that the spirit of Madalyn Murray O'Hair—had seized control of her tongue. One can bet that if Pete Rose is ever voted into Baseball’s Hall of Fame he won’t conclude his acceptance speech by telling God to go to Hell! Pete will cry—he cried when he reached 3,000 hits; he cried when he broke Ty Cobb’s record. It’s human nature. Lou Gehrig, desperately ill with the disease that would be named after him, went to his grave with as fine a speech as ever made. Babe Ruth was dying of cancer when he made his last appearance at Yankee Stadium. Babe said to his fans, “There’s been so many lovely things said about me and I’m glad that I’ve had the opportunity to thank everybody. Thank you.”

Maybe staring death in the face changes people. GIs stare death in the face every day in Iraq. Kathy Griffin stares at what? Emmies are not transportable into a hereafter that doesn’t exist.

There are no Emmies for baseball players. The Roses and Gehrigs and Ruths have their own awards and not many of them—the MVP, the Cy Young, the Golden Glove; the Army, the Navy, the Marines, the Air Force have the Congressional Medal of Honor, the Silver Star, the Bronze Star, the Purple Heart, much cherished by old soldiers and young soldiers, too, badges of distinction for service rendered above and beyond the call of duty—reflecting great credit upon themselves, their branch of the service and their country, often won at great personal cost.

The Entertainment Industry has a gross profusion of awards—Oscars, Emmies, Golden Globes, Grammies, Silver Lions. There is a best this and a best that and a best supporting this and a best supporting that. And they continue to invent new awards. It won’t be long before the viewing public will be exposed to the Best Adult Potting Training Scene for a Continuing Series Award. Next it will be an award for Best Acceptance Speech for the previous awards. Still—an award is an award.

Kathy Griffin won an Enema—ah, make that an Emmie; though there was little difference in the effect—for Best (non-competition) Reality Program: My Life on the D-List. D sounds a bit high. Don’t they give Es and Fs? Or does Hollywood grade on a curve?

Nonetheless, the reception of an award should be the highlight of a career—any career—a time of great excitement, of inexpressible joy, of unsurpassed good will, of rampant amiability, of live-and-let-live, of forgiveness, of bonhomie, but this talk of Hell freezing over! Who did she think she was…one of the Battered Bastards of Bastogne? It wasn’t over the top—it was in the gutter. She would have been better off if she had said, “Good evening, ladies and germs.” It worked for Milton Berle. People would laugh and Uncle Milty would say, “Don’t laugh, lady. You and I have the same plastic surgeon.” How true! For Kathy Griffin that would be a reality show.

But it was what she said next that caused Hell to freeze over. “I want you to know,” she said, “that no one had less to do with this than Jesus. So all I can say is, ‘suck it, Jesus.” Sure, pick on the poor guy when he’s down. Isn’t that just like a feminist? But it wasn’t what she said, it was why she said it and in this she accurately reflected Hollywood’s prevailing hatred of things religious. It’s what induces twirpettes like Griffin to say stupid things.

William Donahue, President of the Catholic League, was outraged. “It is a sure bet if Griffin had said, ‘Suck it, Mohammed,’ there would have been a different reaction.” Perhaps, but it would take more moral courage than Griffin has exhibited to tell Mohammed what to do with his lips.

In any event, Donahue overrates Hollywood. Nowhere in the United States can be found a group as wretched, as pathetic, as cowardly, and as spineless in the face of militant Islam as Hollywood. They know what happened to Theo van Gogh. Did any of them send flowers? Even under an assumed name? It is easier to curse Jesus than to stand up to Islam. Brian de Palma epitomizes Hollywood’s moral code. De Palma has made a movie about American soldiers raping an Iraqi woman. It’s the kind of movie that makes hearts beat faster in Tinsel Town and with the Hate America crowd. It takes guts! The Texas Gunslinger could send Peewee Herman after him! De Palma could win a Hollywood Medal of Honor if they had such an award. They could pin it on the seat of his pants. Would Hollywood have the moral courage to make a movie about Muslim men raping European women? It happens all the time—about a hundred thousand times more often than GIs rape Iraqi women and that is a conservative estimate. The EU is too terrified to complain and NOW prefers sucking up to the Omar Bakri Mohammeds than to Texas Gunslingers.

Kathy Griffin said what she said because Religion is a constant reminder to the Hollywood crowd of what they could be if they were more like the neighbor next door and less like barnyard animals. The fact that there are people out in the hinterland that actually go to church, pray to God, try hard to be honest in their dealings with their fellow citizens, and don’t throw tantrums at the hairdresser, depresses them. How can they live free of restraint if some Bible Thumper is telling them to repent? Religion reminds them of what they could be, should be. Rock Ripdash and Beef Jerky and Kathy Griffin are less tolerant of religion than an alcoholic is of a non-drinking bartender passing out AA literature. The stars don’t need to be perfect, just a little more human.

But Kathy Griffin errs. It is not Jesus she should be worried about—it is Mohammed. Jesus is light and salvation; Mohammed is unforgiving.

Aaron Klein, WND Jerusalem bureau chief, talked to Abed-Al of Hamas’ military wing. The conversation appears in Klein’s book, Schmoozing With Terrorists. It is enlightening.

Abdel-Al accused America of waging cultural war on Islam. He singled out Madonna and Britney Spears. “If these two prostitutes keep doing what they are doing,” he warned, “we of course will punish them. First we call them to join Islam. But if they keep what they are doing…we can stone them or even kill them if they keep…tempting men in order to put them far from Islam.” If he should run into them before Islam takes over the United States he said, he would kill them. He would “be the first one to cut the heads of Madonna and Britney Spears.”  It would be a proud moment for any Jihadist.

Kathy Griffin is far down this madman’s list but there are millions just like him in Islam—some even worse—so in the end she is not safe. In fact, no one is safe—not Madonna, not Britney Spears, not George W. Bush, not even Michael Moore. It’s the Jihadists, stupid! Will Hollywood catch on? Not likely. They are not rocket scientists; they are not brain surgeons; they are actors and actresses; directors and producers; they make movies; they wouldn’t know their enemies with a scorecard; they are not among the smartest people in the world.

President Eisenhower went to Korea; Henry IV, King of the Holy Roman Empire, went to Canossa; Paul, the Apostle, went to Damascus; Ludendorff went to see the Kaiser; Alfalfa didn’t go anywhere, but Gidget went to Hawaii, and now Dennis Kucinich has gone to Syria. Why Syria? There can’t be many votes in that God-forsaken land. Maybe it was to get his eyes checked. What else could it be?

Is that you, Darla? Where’s Spanky? Syria is confusing, but I’m just as proud to be here…did you see my rose-colored glasses? Ah, here they are…my, that Bashar al-Assad is a tall fellow…How is the air up there, Shorty? Heh-heh! Read any good books lately? Do I have to wear a nikab or just a headscarf? Gosh, this is fun! I would have come here years ago if I had known Damascus was so Democratic! So you’re an ophthalmologist? Any chance you could take a look at my eyes? I keep seeing two Hillary Clintons.

With a few changes in the script it could have been Alfalfa running for class president. Make that one change—one big change. Alfalfa would have consulted Spanky—got some good advice. Where to, Spank? Better yet, where would FDR have gone? It wouldn’t have been Syria, that’s for sure. Like any good 5^th grader, Alfalfa would have studied a map. Ah-hah! There’s the spot! And he would have been off to Kasserine Pass to talk to George S. Patton! (Kucinich skipped Patton/General David Petraeus—what a dink!). Alfalfa would have shined Audie Murphy’s boots if he had had the chance; Kucinich shined Assad’s and wasn’t even asked! If they had both gone to Hawaii, Gidget would have chosen Alfalfa.

It’s not easy following in the footsteps of Nancy Pelosi but Dennis did his best and he can be just as obsequious in the face of militant Islam as Keith Ellison. Of course, Pelosi set the standard. Kahlid al-Batch, a spokesman for Islamic Jihad was much impressed with the Congresswoman from California. “Nancy Pelosi understands the area (the Middle East) well,” commented al-Batch, “more than Bush and Dr. Rice. If the Democrats want to make negotiations with Syria, Hamas, and Hezbollah, this means the Democratic Party understands well what happened in this area and I think Pelosi will succeed…I hope she wins the next elections.” For the record, Reinhard Heydrich did not endorse Wendell Wilkie in 1940.

Kucinich has spent more time catering to the Muslim vote than Pelosi has. In November 2003, he headlined a fund-raiser for the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR). Omar Ahmad of CAIR expressed his appreciation. “We would like to thank all those who helped us reach our fund-raising goal.” He was talking about Kucinich. CAIR has ties to Hamas and some of its members have been arrested and sentenced to prison for aiding and abetting terrorism

Alfalfa helped raise funds for the Old Soldier’s Home but it was nothing compared to what Kucinich has done. Alfalfa’s reward was a slice of cherry pie and some of Aunt Maudie homemade ice cream. He didn’t expect to get any votes—he wasn’t running for anything. Kucinich is always running for something.

Alfalfa and Spanky would have had trouble with Kucinich’s itinerary. Why didn’t Kucinich visit the boys in Iraq? Alfalfa volunteered for the USO in WWII but was too young. At least that was what they told him. In light years he was about the same age as Kucinich is today. What is wrong with Kucinich? Has politics jaded him to the point where he prefers a tete-a-tete with Bashar al-Assad to a man-to-man talk with General Petreaus? Has he become the opposite of a neo-con—a neo-democrat? Perhaps Kucinich is best understood in his own words:

“I feel the United States is engaging in an illegal occupation…I don’t want to bless that occupation with my presence. It will not do.”

Bless? What does he mean—bless? Isn’t Benedict XVI the Pope? Sure, Kucninch is a Roman Catholic but unless he’s packing an aspergillums in a shoulder holster he’s assuming some ecclesiastical powers reserved for the Supreme Pontiff. Has be been talking to Robert Edgar?

Kucinich said his approach to foreign policy is vastly different from the administrations. Bush spouts Peace through Strength, Dennis prefers Strength through Peace. It makes sense—to Dennis. The more Peace one has the more Strength one gains. Eventually, everyone will be as strong as Superman without having to eat spinach. It’s a great idea unless someone corners the market on Kryptonite.

But a man has to start somewhere—why not Syria? “I want President Assad to know,” said Dennis, “that there are many in our nation and in our Congress who believe in direct diplomatic engagement (Jimmy Carter, Jesse Jackson and Nancy Pelosi come to mind)…it is what US President Franklin Roosevelt called ‘the science of human relations.”

Strength through Peace—didn’t they try that at Berkeley in the 1970s? Led to the Killing Fields, didn’t it? Besides, FDR wasn’t all that hot on Strength through Peace—not with Lend-Lease and American destroyers patrolling the Atlantic in 1940. Those who tried to make Peace with Nazi Germany were date-raped! They should have listened to Churchill.

Alfalfa had an experience that could have benefited Kucinich. There was this new kid in the neighborhood. Butch, they called him. He was anxious to establish hegemony over the other kids before the draft board caught up with him. He flung down the gauntlet. He was tough as nails—anyone who thought they could lick him should step forward. Alfalfa stepped backward but through an unusual set of circumstances, it appeared as if he had stepped forward and had challenged the bully. After that, there was no turning back. The fight was held at the Ajax Athletic Club. Round after round, Alfalfa got the worst of it. The gang had to do something, so Buckwheat and Porky hid behind a drape alongside the ring, and during one of the innumerable clinches, hit Butch on the head with a boxing glove attached to a long pole. Butch went down for the count. Alfalfa, thinking he had kayoed the bully, let loose with his best imitation of Carol Burnett’s Tarzan yell. There was no rematch. Is it possible Alfalfa learned more in a few minutes in the ring with Butch than Kucinich has learned in thirty years of political brawling?

Strength through Peace can work to the advantage of the bully—Hitler, Stalin, Napoleon, Osama bin Laden. What the bully fears is Peace through Strength. When Hitler was warned about the power of the Papacy, he asked, “How many divisions does the Pope have?” How many divisions does Dennis have?

Kucinich went to Syria to wheedle, to grovel—to fawn before a bully. Maybe he thinks it is the American way. It might now be but it was not Roosevelt’s way. FDR never forgot that Peace without Freedom was neither Peace nor Freedom. Kucinich should stop invoking the name of America’s 32^nd President. Roosevelt was well aware that there would never be peace in the world unless someone was standing behind the drape with a boxing glove attached to a long pole. Kucinich is not Alfalfa; he’s more like—well, he’s more like the guy Gidget turned down. Ohio could have done better.

As T. R. Fehrenback said, “In this world there are tigers.”

Sure, go ahead…laugh. Make fun of them—man’s best friend! Hah! Draw Abe Lincoln’s face on a St. Bernard; paint Winston Churchill’s glowering physiognomy on a mastiff; sketch Timmy’s face on Lassie. Hilarious! Like rat terriers? How about Larry Craig and Alberto Gonzalez, their faces drawn on a couple of wiener dogs, slinking out of Foggy Bottom, street urchins pelting them with rocks, tin cans and fire crackers? Think Hillary Clinton is a too young for a street urchin? Hah! What great fun—a cartoonist’s delight! The Texas Gunslinger on a schnauzer; Jacques Chirac on a French poodle; J. Edgar Hoover on a bloodhound; Karl Rove on a Spitz! Yuk it up!

But what about the poor dog—if this isn’t guilt by association what is? Doesn’t anyone have any sympathy for the poor pooch; the lovable little rat terrier with a human head attached to an otherwise magnificent canine body? What does PETA think? Sure, the cartoons can be whimsical, but to Fido who doesn’t understand the art world it can be insulting.  

Looking back, one can see it was only a matter of time before someone would go too far. Some nut, some Al Capp wannabe from Catpatch or maybe the ghost of Willie Elder would cross the line. Those in the know thought it would be an American. Maybe Andres Serrano…How wrong they were. It was a Swedish cartoonist, Lars Vilks, who delivered the crowning insult to dogdom! Yes, it was Lars Vilks who drew Mohammed’s head on a dog! Imagine—the head of the Prophet on a dog!  Will insults never cease? The anthropomorphic world trembles. The only thing that can be said in mitigation is that it is impossible to determine the dog’s breed so the individual mutt escapes humiliation but all dogdom suffers.

The artist appears to have been in a hurry. Maybe he was looking over his shoulder. The lines are fuzzy, sketchy. The drawing—one of three—was published in a regional Swedish newspaper, Nerikes Allehanda. The caption over the drawing said, “The Prophet as rondellhund.” A lot of good that will do the poor dog!

And just what in the Hell is a rondellhund? Ask around in Crawford, Texas, and nobody has heard of rondellhunds—or in Swaledale, Iowa, or in Minneapolis airports where the toe-tappers congregate. Well, if you must know, rondellhunds are homemade dogs. It says so right here. People make them and put them in the roundabouts (traffic circles, road junctions, traffic islands). It is a fad in Sweden. The rondellhunds are supposed to soothe jangled nerves, keep motorists from piling head-on into each other. It is something that might have appealed to Cosmo Kramer.

Sweden’s Muslims were infuriated when they opened their newspapers a week ago and found the Prophet’s head on a rondellhund. There were demonstrations in Stockholm and elsewhere. It was the Jyllands-Posten Mohammed cartoons all over again. It was worse than a Yogi Berra déjà vu—a foul tip right between the eyes! The repercussions have spread round the worldwide.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in Iran was outraged.  It was a Zionist plot! Officials in Pakistan and Afghanistan agreed. “They do not want the Swedish government to be a friend of other nations,” said Mahmoud. “I strongly believe they (the Jews) are behind it. They thrive on conflict and war.” Pakistan intends to consult with the Organization of Islamic Conferences to determine a further course of action.

Sure, plenty of people to stand up for Mohammed but what about the poor dog—even if he is a rondellhund. In all fairness, it was the dog that got the worst of the anthropomorphic exchange.

Was Mohammed a dog lover? Not so as one would notice. The SPCA would rate him closer to Michael Vick than to W.C. Fields or Lucy van Pelt.. What do the hadiths say? Let us see.

Bukhari 490: “The things which annul the prayers were mentioned before me. They said, ‘Prayer is annulled by a dog, a donkey and a woman (if they pass in front of the praying people). (Sure, blame the dog! This is probably the origin of ‘Spot ate my homework’)

Muslim 1032: “I said: O Abu Dharr, what feature is there in a black dog which distinguish it from the red dog and the yellow dog? He said: ‘O, son of my brother, I asked the Messenger of Allah as you are asking me and he said, ‘The black dog is evil.’”  (Okay…we have a problem here, mission control…the telemetry seems out of whack)

Bukhari 843: “Once Gabriel promised to visit the Prophet but he delayed and the Prophet got worried about that. At last he came out and found Gabriel and complained to him of his grief (for his delay). Gabriel said to him, ‘We do not enter a place in which there is a picture or a dog.’” (If this is true, Orthodox Christians in Transylvania can throw away their garlic wreaths and get a dog. Of course, there will be a problem with dog slobber. Not to worry though.

This is from The Shorter Encyclopedia of Islam (page 251): “Vessels, likewise which have been licked by dogs, require to be cleaned several times once with sand.” (Sounds like an excellent way to get rid of Lucy’s dog germs)

Bukhari 2839 (note): “The Prophet did not order the killing of all dogs, for some are to be retained for hunting and watching. He ordered to kill the jet black ones. They might be more mischievous among them.” (This would not have played well at the Nuremberg trials)

Ulf Johansson, editor of Nerikes Allehanda, has refused to apologize for publishing the cartoon. “I regret if many felt offended,” he said, “that was not my objective.” But he would be willing to meet with leaders of the Muslim community and listen to their complaints.

Sweden’s Prime Minister, Fredrik Reinfeldt, said he would defend his country’s freedom of expression “which is written into our constitution and…which means that we don’t make political decisions about what is published in our newspapers.” That may be true but the Salman Rushdie syndrome is already at work in Sweden. Several art galleries have refused an opportunity to display the sketches. That is little consolation for the rondellhund that was stuck with Mohammed’s head.

Sure, dogs slobber and make messes—ungodly messes—but they deserve better treatment than they have been getting lately, what with Michael Vick and now Lars Vilks.

The next time you want to draw the Prophet’s head on an animal, Lars, pick something more appropriate—like a 500-pound gorilla or, here’s a good one, Rosie O’Donnell; and then run for cover.

“I’m not interested in drumming up false fears, or falsely allaying fear,” said Christiane Amanpour. Well, that’s commendable. “I just want people to know what’s going on,” she told AP. Christiane was promoting her latest CNN spectacular, God’s Warriors, six hours of unrelenting moral equivalency. Is there any difference between the Taliban and Battle Cry a religious conservative evangelical youth movement that just may be threatening America’s civil liberties? Ask Christiane.

If only Ms Amanpour had been advising George W. Bush instead of Condoleezza Rice. Christiane was the last person to interview the late Jerry Falwell. She has spent more time in Iran than the Texas Gunslinger, his pappy, Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter combined. She knows more about religion and the Middle East than Lynn Redgrave and Rosie O’Donnell—to name just two. She attended two Roman Catholic all-girls schools in Great Britain. She has a BA in Journalism from the University of Rhode Island. She covered the wars in Bosnia and Ruanda. She has interviewed Jacques Chirac, Mikhail Gorbachev, Mohammed Khatami and Pervez Musharraf—among others. If you are nobody, don’t apply. She has won two Emmies, two Peabodies, two Polks. She is a CNN treasure. Recent successes include In the Footsteps of bin Laden and The War Within. God’s Warriors will be much talked about. She has done The Daily Show with Jon Steward and Real Time with Bill Maher. Maybe some of the intellectual obsolescence rubbed off on Christiane. She was not at her best trying to explain martyrdom.

“To the West, martyrdom has a really bad connotation because of suicide bombers who call themselves martyrs,” she said. “Really, martyrdom is actually something that historically was quite noble, because it was about standing up and rejecting tyranny, rejecting injustice and rejecting oppression and, if necessary, dying for that.”`

Abe Lincoln and Martin Luther King were martyrs; Horst Wessel and Leon Czolgosz were not. Lincoln and King rejected tyranny; Wessel and Czolgosz, in their dimwitted ways, supported the establishment of tyrannies. Nor was Mohammed rejecting a tyranny, he was in fact the only tyranny in his neck of the woods. Martyrs suffer and die for their religion; they do not die in attempts to impose their religion on others.

The Apostle Peter was the prototype of the Christian martyr. Peter had been warned that he would be crucified for preaching the gospel if he returned to Rome. Nevertheless, Peter returned. When the moment came Peter asked his executioners to place him on the cross with his head down and his feet up because he was unworthy to be crucified in the same manner as Christ.

Mohammed Atta and Hanadi Jaradat were not martyrs. They committed crimes against humanity.

David Cook, assistant professor of Religious Studies at Rice University, has investigated the differences between the Islamic and Christian concepts of martyrdom. The early Christian tradition, he says, was focused on missionaries—martyrs killed by pagans, not on men of arms swashbuckling about the countryside forcibly converting the heathen masses. Because of its early military successes, Islam produced few traditional martyrs. Allah’s heroes were those who managed to get themselves killed while senselessly hacking their way through hordes of infidels. Smite them at the neck!

Most Muslim martyrs—some would call them heretics—appear to have been victims of sectarian violence, a violence that continues to this day with the bombing of Shia and Sunni mosques. Yet it is the likes of Hanadi Jaradat who are called martyrs.

Others who should know better—others like Bill Maher and Kurt Vonnegut consider suicide bombers to be, if not martyrs, at least heroes. Maher said American servicemen were cowardly because they fired missiles from 2,000 miles away instead of flying passenger planes loaded with innocent civilians into tall building. Maher did not hit the beach at Tarawa or Normandy and if he ever took a tumble into a drainage ditch it was not to escape a sniper. The Playboy Mansion is a long way from the streets of Fallujah.

Vonnegut publicly admired the suicide bombers. “I regard them as brave people,” he said. For them death “was sweet and honorable. They are dying for their own self-respect. It’s terrible to deprive someone of their self-respect.” This brings to mind John Wayne Gacy, Richard Speck and Count Vlad. Poor deprived wretches! Were they striving for self-respect or were they just plain crazy? Intellectual arrogance can lead to a philosophical Auschwitz.

While Vonnegut and Maher sympathize with the suicide bomber, Christiane is groping in the same direction. How does the Christian group, Battle Cry, differ from the Taliban she asks? Well, gosh—that’s a silly question! Isn’t it obvious? Battle Cry’s dance routines are much better orchestrated than the Taliban’s; they have Krystal Meyers; they sell cool T-shirts, they don’t carry AK-47s and RPGs; and they appear a lot happier than the cowardly wretches that huddle around Robert Edgar at those distressing stuffed-shirt Abrahamist camp meetings.

Last year, more than 25,000 evangelical Christian youths gathered at AT&T Park in San Francisco for a Battle Cry rally. Everyone had a great time. The City Fathers took fright. It was a ‘fascist mega-pep rally,” croaked a councilman. One would have thought San Francisco was Nuremberg and it was 1935. The Mayor wouldn’t know a fascist from a Camp Fire Girl—or Hanadi Jaradat from Sister Boom-Boom. The rally ended; Battle Cry left; the Golden Gate Bridge was still standing. How is it different from the Taliban?

Ms Amanpour, like most Liberals, seldom says anything good about Christians and never anything negative about Islam. Maybe the sight of all those kids enjoying themselves without drugs and booze was too much for the significant others to tolerate.

Is must still be1970.